Feb 14 2007
Loosing my Virginity
Well, guess if you are not an avid reader, you are pouring through this write-up eager to discover the darker shades of Adeolu Akinyemi 
. And if you have been around, then you immediately know that that is the title of Sir Richard Branson’s book. A book that captured his escapades and teething pains as he built his business empire from his little strides publishing a magazine of some sort in college (secondary school) at the age of 16. He later went into a discount mail order joint venture with his friend Nik Powell, this venture became the origin of the Virgin Brand. There was a little something something about their house/ office then having to do with being a place you could “do it all”, and possibly loose your virginity, but then, you might have to really be looking for that type of information to find it in the book
Richard Branson is currently a world renown entrepreneurship icon with an insatiable desire for new businesses. In 1999 he was awarded a knighthood for his contributions in entrepreneurship. The Virgin Brand presently has over 300 items under its name, and is presently one of the most recognized brands in the world. Richard Branson is a person I like for many reasons, writing about him is a topic that would take at least 3 posts. But if you really thought about it, this article is not going to be about Richard Branson, it’s about the concept of loosing one’s virginity. It’s a valentine special.
Well, a lot of things are going to be happening today in the name of love, and that’s really not bad. People are going to call it fun, and don’t think it’s only the adults that are having this fun, teenagers too. As I write, the roads are getting blocked. People have been warming up for days. For girls that require 3 days working on, the work has been on since the day before. I teach teenagers and somehow I fear that for some of them, they might not be sharp enough to remain the same after today.
Some few years back, I had situations happening around me that aroused my curiosity to study the concept of virginity and the loss of it. I interviewed a lot of young ladies and read a number of books. I was able to come to terms with some interesting patterns for how people lost their virginity and hence how they can wait till the right time, or not. Knowledge is power and becomes good or evil depending on how it is used. Well, sorry if I’m bursting your bubble, but some of us belong to that old school that believes that there is a right time, and a right person.
Watchout for the Gals
The average girl looses her virginity to an older/more experienced guy. It happens between her age 16 and 20 if she wasn’t abused earlier in life. If she was, it’s a different story. It’s not that wide (meaning 16-20), really it’s just that different people are doing so many different things at that age. The particular activity that makes the average lady susceptible to this at this time is idleness. It’s that long break between being in school and being in school again, it’s that time in extra-moral classes, or it’s just after resuming into university and it seems there is not much to do. It’s that friend of my brother, that uncle, or that undefined friend – “we were not really going out, we just kissed a lot”. Or, he’s my boyfriend – and there is quite some years in between. Of course the relationship lasts until the excitement fades (He’s been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt). It also happens at times out a big quarrel that gets made up! The gal temporarily suspends the thought at the instance of the well crafted and scripted scene of, “I’ve caused a lot of pain already”. It happens at that age because at that age, she is curious and idle. Research also showed that more often than not, the girl said “No” at least once. It usually looks like the girl was raped – or at least arguably so. They start out with the girl comfortable with what the guy sees as foreplay, and things get out of hands. It usually takes place in a place where there is no one else to hear your shouts (even if you shouted), home alone with the guy, his house is in town when you are supposed to be in school, or he lives in quarters when you are supposed to be in the hostel. If you are way past the age, print this out for your younger sisters. If you had an almost experience that you think can be helpful to someone, do share.
Watchout for the Guys
The regular guy looses it between 13 and 18, and usually to an older girl (sometimes the house girl). At 13 which is like rounding up junior secondary, everybody seems to have done it. Everybody talks about it like they invented it. You join in the conversation too, so at least not to look stupid. You pick up books, magazines, videos e.t.c. whatever gives you the edge in the next debate and shows you to be a professional. You don’t want to look like a looser among the boys, and winning is not if you have, it’s how often. Of course, 80% of the cronies are just talking, but who knows! Somehow they constitute peer pressure for each other, and everybody is looking for that golden opportunity. They all lack the boldness to follow through on girls their age, so some get perverted and try things out on people way way below their league, some family! The others? Their opportunity comes sometime along the line, there is a jobless much older lady around the block or in your house that offers it to you on a platter of Gold – she’s bored, she can’t ask a guy her age, she sees you’re a snuggling lad and leads you to slaughterhouse. The average guy takes it and cuts his teeth in the world of insatiable pleasures. He begins to stalk his younger friends, and the cycle continues. Once you get into that first opportunity looking snare, it’s hard to pass. It looks like a game at the outset, but averagely, even marriage doesn’t quench the fires! Stolen waters is sweet, and as long as it’s legit, it doesn’t taste that sweet anymore – with you that is. You grow up wondering why you don’t have control, they tell you all men are like that, you live with it. You can’t remember where it all started… you can’t connect the dots. If you in this trouble go for help, that road leads into a ditch, and no matter how successful the career or how high the reputation, it’s all like a balloon, one little prick and it’s gone forever. If you’re past the age, forward it to those who are not, and if you were able to pass or not on your early opportunities you might have information that would be helpful.
I certainly am not an ultimate authority on these things, I’ve just been there for a number of people long enough, heard a lot of stories and deliberately gone out in search of the truth. If you have watch outs you consider helpful, lay them here.
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Its a topic we always talk about with my friend(Oludare), she always tell me stories about people and how they loose thier virginity, mostly gals. She always advice students or young gals to keep thier virginity till when its right to loose rightly.
But do guys realy have virginity?we seem to be only talking about the gals when it comes to that. Its a good topic for today, 14 Feb.
…nice piece Deolu! Perhaps Other things fast-track keeping or loosing it. i mean like a strict home culture…sound christian values …being creative so evil’s workshop phenomena do not set in…that could be why at mid-twenty some have not ‘lost it’…and you know what the urge or is it temptation to ‘experience it’ is pressing…if there’s at least only one advantage of bn intact,guy or babe – it would be the ability to live a disciplined lifestyle, high personal self esteem ,focus… I think it’s worth waiting for till the ‘appropriate’ time…For those u have lost it…you r not worse off… you can be in control… Me think i have to sign out…i seem to being preachy…abi? old school guy!
nice discuss 4 the season. especially “watch out 4 the guys part”.
Hi, reflecting on the business and enterprenuership angle bases upon which legendary Richard Brandson wrote the book ‘Loosing My Virginity’, it is very important will lose our virginity earlier than later.
Deolu, you know better, having passed tru P&G to VirginNigeria AND NOW ON YOUR OWN; You should know losing virginity is sweet!!!
That is even what we are preaching, abiiiiii.
Au revour
well as deolu says some of them might not come out of val’s day in tact……
wat bout the guy who doesnt want any tango but there is this younger lady who is sooooooooo demanding
wat a bad way to loose one’s virginity.
the writer forgot to raise the issue of playing mummy and daddy when a child is anout 10 years old.
Chairman,
You were right on target, I lost mine to an older housegirl……….oh poor me and the desires that were birthed from then were way beyond fiery.
Emphasis on this should be amplified, especially as there are lies that tend to lure the innocent.
Ideally, ‘LOOSING your virginity’ whether in Business or otherwise is supposed to be painful at first then pleasant thereafter. A virgin is simply someone who has not ‘done it’ before. It could be a project, a business venture, a college degree, ..the list goes on…Sucha a person may have heard, read or talked about it, but is just yet to experience it. What determines if it’ll be first of all painful then pleasurable OR pain all the way is ‘TIMING’. Timing is everything when it comes to ‘loosing your virginity’. If you wait for the right time to ‘LOOSE’, you’ll GAIN.
@Chidi… hmmm, interesting analogy.
@kamal, I think you can help us here by expatiating on the fiery passions that it creates. I remember being given VISA for quite some time as well, but being restrained by the same thing that should have motivated me -”when my good friends are talking about not haven done it, what would I say?” I think that singular experience has helped me to say No to a lot of opportunities after, and feel great about myself…until the right time and the right person.
@Shamsudeen, I think guys too can be virgins. I personally think a guy has more to loose than a girl if engaged in ahead of time. That’s the topic for a full book
@Ibukun, please shed light on the mummy and daddy issue for us. Thought it stopped at age 5.
@Wale, I feel you… don’t sign out
virginity is a blessing and will always remain so.
I was, my queen was.
People don’t have to lose it, they can give it and much so without remorse or guilt.
After reading Richard’s book, i lost some respect for him, he was so damn dirty in his growing years and found absolutely nothing wrong about it.I did not see him mention much about his escapdes towards the end of the book though(Maybe balooning has taken its toll on him).
IT always comes back to knowing who you are and what u want out of relatinships.My bride and I were clear from the very start on romance, in fact “Lip conferencing” was completely out of the question because it could lead to something else, Is it that easy? NO, only takes some discipline and talking about. I had to do some shadow boxing and Karate to keep the raging hormones at bay and blv me, it worked just fine(Still does because i’m more fit to do “good works” now).
virginity is a blessing and will always remain so.
to deolu
i remeber when i was younger about 9 years there was this girl we called my wife. i think we playe a few ‘ games’ with each other…
Sir Richard Branson ? Yes that is my man!
Bishop karmal … I like your courage to talk about your experience.
I agree 100% with Deolu on the issue of idleness and viginity. Most girls lose it when dere,s nothin to do and after reading all those romantic novels we tend to be in a dream world and when the next available “nice” guy comes along we tend to accept all he says hook, line and sinker. Am sayin all this cause i found myself in that kind of situation. i was 19yrs old waiting for my jamb results when i met this guy of 27 years (we stayed in the same estate). He told me sweet nothings which to me now is rubbish. Out of idleness and too much Mills and Boons(a romance novel) i fell for him. and the result? i got pregnant. I had my first D & C at 19. I,ve never forgiven myself since then. though am married now with kids but i,ve made up my mind never to leave my kids idle. Cause as the popular adage says, an idle mind is indeed the devil,s workshop.
When I read things like this, I usually see a lot of emphasis being laid on making the idea of virginity so special, beyond what it really is, a simple “hyped” once in a life mind blowing sexual experience.
Don’t get me wrong, its not right, when its done without consent or safety measures in place or by immature parties. But what usually strikes me is when people sanctify sexual relationships with morality.
There is nothing painful or wrong in having sex, apart from religious dogmas that tend to make it bad or forbid it.
Morality is very subjective, so is it when linked to the idea of virginity or no virginity. Teenagers are usually very experimental when it comes to regards, and I honestly don’t see how you can stop one, from satisfying their urges by trying out things when the raging hormones play important roles at that level.
Age does matter, I do think both the lady or the man must be mentally capable of understanding what they are trying to experiment. When it comes to people relating their first experience, it only becomes apparently sad when the narrator was a victim of rape, exploitation or any unconsensual experience.
We tend sometimes to forget the happy first experience of other mature parties, it doesn’t necessarily have to be sanctified by religious dogmas of waiting till the marriage contract is in place.
Nevertheless I would commend that it is a good initiative to let the younger inexperienced ones, learn to be well aware of what it entails, the before and aftermath, so that the painful mistakes don’t become part of their history. Well written Deolu.
Rape is a crime, but loosing virginity when one chooses to, at the right age with a special person is not, even without a marriage contract.
Nice piece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am 1 of d invesrtors in sefteg, i started last month Apil 16. They have nt credited my acct. i dont know wat is going on.
Wow! Insightful.
Deolu, thanx for bringing up such a topic. It’s a topic that really needs to to be discussed more. People should go to secondary schools and organise talks/ seminar on it.
I did organise such seminar when i was serving. Sometimes I’d call some of my students (because I served as a teacher) and advise them on the issue of virginity. I also belong to NCCF where we have Teenage Unit and we were always going to schools to talk to teenagers. You could imagine the experience those students have had.
It’s really a nice piece and please keep it up.
Nice piece Deolu
more emphasis should be made on boys to keep their viginity. its even more important for them. I believe that if a boy is taught to control his hormones and keep his virginity, then we wont have to worry about girls loosing theirs, why? because it is always(99.9% of the time) the boy that forces the girl into sex.too true !!!!!!!!!!!
Its great that we have people like you talking about these true life issues.The first thing i tried to recall was my experience,and i think its a good to know the pros and cons of one’s actions and the truth is painful.Once again,ill say thank you for what you are doing.
Most events that we see as “chance” events are actually orchestrated by heaven. Reading this piece 5 months after being published, and on a day that I read about a guy that Pornography contributed the major part of his initially slow but later violent spiral to destruction, is nothing but divine. The guy’s name is Theodore Robert Bundy (popularly known as Ted Bundy), who was convicted on several charges and executed in the United States. He was a serial killer (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Bundy). What does sex have to do with serial killing? You may want to read this piece if you view sex as a one time pleasure act that does not come with strings of after-effects. Sex in whatever form (thanks to Bill Clinton for enlightenment) has far reaching effect than we think.
We have different views about sexuality. Sexuality is a behemoth topic of discourse. In this matter of sex, what I would just quickly say is that…
1. A step taken wrongly makes it most likely (but not certainly) that the next step would be wrong.
Selah
many of the people who lose their virginity between the ages of 16-20 years always have regretts. that is why we must educate our youths about sex education and the dangers about it. gone are the days our parents will feel shy when discussing issues like this with their children. now is the time for everyone to know when is the right time and when isnt the right time so as to avoid unwanted babies, abortions and STD’S.