Everyday, I get one mail, text or call or the other, that helps me know that people value my little contribution, and believe me, it’s encouraging. I don’t want to live a normal life, of grow, marry, give birth and die. I want to add value, to change lives, to bring hope, to bring help, to save, to provide to leave a legacy.
I got this mail forwarded to me by Praise Fowowe on feedback from Sex2Sex conference, and if this was the only mail and feedback from the event, I think the event is well worth it. Trust me, there is no kidding the kind of pressure that is mounted on young people. How the world migrated from a time when it was honorable to be chaste to one where being a virgin is something to be shy of amazes me. The world is on it’s head, man is dysfunctional! But before we get too far in analyzing that, read the reason why this title. It’s here and uncut!
“”H…My name’s Sola, Im 25years & I’m a virgin…”
If dat was all i heard on saturday, it wud av bin enof! dat word struck me till d end of d summit. Im also a 24yrs old virgin <at least technically> but im so ashamed of it n i cant talk to anyone abt it. Infact, I’ve left all my relationships bcos i wasnt willing 2 give in.some weeks ago, my bf threatened a break up – unelse we had sex. I actually was goin to give in cos i was frustrated – all d men in my life av left me 4 dis same reason. I started doing blow-jobs to satisfy him despite d fact dat it made me really sick, still he insisted on SEX. I made up my mind to give it to him-afterall, everbodi does it so kini big deal?
On wednesday, i went to “food major” to quench my hunger on my way from d office and i saw d handbill. It was d SEX2SEX dat really caught my attentin n i was 1darin wat kinda program cud b tagged dis raw. then i saw Pat automi & d durrotoyes’ on it and i knew right then dt i was goin to b dere. I cancelled my date – d date we arranged Id b deflowered- and i made it to Ikeja 4 d Uth Summit, though late. Now, afta d uth summit? No way! ain’t doin it n i intend to kick his ass off my life dis weekend! I now C my virginity in a different way. though i cant talk abt it but i feel cool wit it.
Thank you all 4 helping me kip wat i now see as my most priced possesion! I hope to attend more uth forums from now.
God bless you.”
I don’t have any apologies for how this sounds, but our cultures are changing, our young people are celebrating the wrong values. What is valuable in our culture is being replaced by sham, and we are not imbibing the good things in the worlds we want to be like. It’s all our fault, in silence we agree, in refusing to shine, we encourage darkness. Sex is a good thing, but is safe, good and approved only within a marriage environment.
If this life is the only reason for the seminar, it is well worth it, but again I ask myself, what happens next? Does she get into her environment and resume with the pressure? Are we creating positive peer pressure? What are we that know what is right doing? What are you doing? These questions, require answers, not with words, with our actions.
God is love
@ kome Ten Thumbs up !!
@ d virtous virgin stay strong and true, God is your strenght
hi all,
i got this late but it is very useful. right here where i am, everybody i know is in a sextual relationship and i ask myself am i lost or missing something? i know am not anyway but you guys just gave me more clues to that.
i can say, right there at home (Nigeria), i dont know and well maybe i never experienced it but i can say it is easier to hold on to yourself. well maybe i was fortunate to have good friends.
my stactic was that i always Pray God should give me good friends anywhere i am. so when am lossing focus, they can guide me or i read sometihng that will make me get back on the course. and God always hears that.
I am in US now. i can tell you guys i do not bring up the sex issue around here. i fear if i do, i am inviting rape. i just listern and pity them all. I pray for them and try to talk them against it and have self value to whoever wants to listerns.
i know my talk will do little but i am waiting if it can change atlease one or two. Please you guys should keep doing this and i will keep forwarding your articles about sex related issues to these girls and even some men. you guys dont want to imagine the extents even our african brothers misinterpret sex. guess it is a global problem.
Thank you ones again. keep the good job going. you never know who it will touch next. Let us tell our girls. “No guy is worth getting ur virginity if he cant wait”.
This is a tough one and sure it aint easy, keep it up gurl…it’s all worth it at the end baby!
Kazey says:
blockquote>Which government institution is that ? Arabia? You got to be kidding me…
Kazey,
You’ve got the most interesting commentary on this blog! I wsh to respond to your enquiries as follows. I am not a fan of religion myself. I agree with you that the root cause of the crisis in the world is as a result of religion. It is even disheartening that christianity has been reduced to one of the man religions.
Jesus did not bring a religion to our world, he brought “upon his shoulders” a KINGDOM (which, as you may know, is a form of government) . He is the King of this Kingdom and he has called us to represent his interests on the earth.
This is what the Bible (which I referred to as the governmental constitution) instructs. I have no idea of the will of God which is not derived from this constitution.
Kazey says:
You will realise one day that your being born or created is not your idea…you didn’t contribute to that decision. So, you are here to respresent certain interests. These interests I call the Will of God. It is in your best interests to seek out God’s will and align with it. None of us can represent ourselves; we are either for God’s Kingdom or against Him.
Sometimes we are faced with nigthmares that haunt and then we pray so there would be no 2moro.At such point,we think we re alone and nobody understands us.The pressure becomes so intense and we say ”damn morals” but God who knows and sees all things is always there on the throne and on time making things right 4us.i thank God for Sola.
As 4u Kazey,sex is not special for unmarried people.
i dnt know wat the fuss is all about. Virgin or not, GOD LOVES US JUST AS WE R. Besides, even after reading all these comments,the person that ones to sin will.
@ Nene, yeah God loves us just as we are but He hates the Sin, and even after reading all these comments the person that wants to sin will, BUT some pple will change and som pple will be saved from hurts, HIV, abortion, death, barreness, hell etc so trust me it’s worth the fuss
well,i must first thank NENE and KAZEY,whats all the noise about?we have worse situations in the world,like hunger,war,unemployment,…and you hypocrites,talk about sex???why do christians force doctrine down peoples throats,and go into their rooms to do something else?
Have you seen anyone killed because they had sex?but millions are dying from hunger.
All you people talking about sin,have you never sinned?
lets leave this sin alone and talk nature,according to nature you are ready to start a family,at about 12/13,when you reach puberty,
we are creatures like other creatures,just because
we are mentally developed to go behind closed doors to ………..,why dont you tell the lion to get married,it is a sin to kill so why dont you tell the tiger to stop killing?
Is a soldier sinning when he kills to defend his country,doing his duty?
Kazey,please tell this people,that whoever is sinner,and whoever is holy,GOD loves us all.
SEX,like it,hate it,doctrinize it,argue about it, will remain a natural funtion of your anatomy,like eating,drinking,stooling,walking,talking,so why all the NOISE?,okay why dont you guys make all this fuss about farting,or should i wait to get married before i sitting equipment?
FINAL PASSING SHOTS:
no one person or group of persons can rightly prove whats wrong or right!
deolu talks about aids,and such stuff,it would have happened,whether we remained virgins or not,or are you telling me that you have not haerd about married people stepping out??
Go tell the chinese to stop sleeping wiht their sisters,it is a sin.
CHRISTIANS-LIVE AND LET LIVE
GOD FOR US ALL
LOVE.
@Kazey,
we should do a reality program,on dstv,
@nene
you should join in too!!
@Every one else,
The legendary artist BOB MARLEY sang,
‘untill the philosophy,which holds one (race,doctrine,country,….)inferior,and another, superior,is …finally and permanenetly,(-in my own words,EXTINGUISHED-).. everywhere is war!!!”
@Edward,
Unfortunately, you came into the party when the guests had gone.
Your arguement is very flawed, I bet you fart indiscriminately too. Around your friends, family and co-workers.
I know your type, you have a way of doing it and making others laugh about it too. So ofcourse you can’t see a fuss about sex which is just equivalent to farting as far as you are concerned. I wish you well.
I can’t really offer you an arguement though. We are not anchored on the same principles. What do you believe in, and on what authority do you argue? Is there a book that summarizes your beliefs so I can read it? Or is it a spirit? Or is it a code that you developed for select people in your phylum? What I’m trying to show you is this, pls don’t be offended, we’ll find it difficult to agree about what James Bond did if we watched two differnt episodes. Your episode is definitely different from mine, in fact, I dare say that your James Bond is from Shaki
I am dieing to be somone’s first lover.What an experience it must be.I couldn’t care less if I married a virgin or not.It guarantees nothing.It defines nothing.Promiscous nymphomaniacs have been unleashed after wedding night deflowerings.I also do not want to be left with a feeling of wandering what virgin sex is after I marry(assuming my wife isn’t-which is quite likely given statistics-in any case,how many male virgins are there).Hypocrisy aside,there must be girls itching to have thier first lover without being made to feel guilty about it.Please contact me XXXXXXXX
my comment is late cos i just read this,i say we should find ways of encouraging one another to bed sexually pure.the pressure’s not just from society, our greatest enemy still remains the flesh. christ help us despite ourselves. cheers
I wonder why any country has put laws into place if any and everybody was meant to know what is right or wrong individually. For all those who still have the opportunity to read this; think for a minute to yourself if all that you do in life was to justify your own desires that has overwhelmed you or not. I wonder what the maker of heaven and earth will say when He looks at His creatures… In the heart of an unrenewed man comes all manners of things and it takes one who has gained mastery over it to judge correctly. There must be an acknowledgement of One whose total obedience will lead to peace and tranquility all around – that person is GOD. The fact that you don’t find it easy to obey all He says does not justify you either. the best thing is strive harder, knowing fully well that you cannot help yourself. History’s most sexually corrupt city in my opinion was SODOM – but LOT’s daughters were still virgins. This prompts me to say, There are still virgins in Sodom, not everybody is doing “it”. Don’t be fooled accept the fact that you cannot help yourself but you can make a deicision to key into God’s help. Lots of Love.
we are living in an ever changing world. what used to be a thing of pride is now taken for granted. may God help us stay up in a down world.
Thank God for people like this girl. i once told a group of girls in my neighborhood about two thin gs their parents will never dream of telling them. one of them is the issue of sexuality or sex education. the Nigerian parent have been misguided that sex is so sacred that you do not need to discuss it with kids. but the truth about the matter is that these kids know it more than the old ones do. they try to practice everything they are told or they even see. not until sex education is taught in our nursery and primary schools and extended to our homes, we will keep having problems in our society. sex education should be included in the curriculum of school children at least the basics.
the girl-child abuse must stop and all forms of sexuality. the only approved medium for sex is in MARRIAGE and nothing changes that.
NOTE: the mere fact that something is universally accepted does not right in its sense.
keep the spirit high. NO TO PREMARITAL SEX!!!!
Not girls of nowadays will like to say that they are virgins.Not only guys pressurize girls for sex but girls too pressurizes.I have 2 friends that its there girlfriend that ask them for SEX. and the week my friend says NO.they will quarrel for sometime months sometimes.So dont think its only guys that force girls to loosing there virginity.Parents take your daughters and ask their mum’s to do virginity test for them and see if your daughter is still a virgin
Good morning,Sir/Ma, my name is patricia, am in a relationship, with a guy a love by name Emeka, before the relationship started, i told him that they would not be sex, which he accepted,but they was a day i went to his place he tried sleeping with me which i resisted, that very day he was telling his friend that next week would be his Birthday,do you know what? he was speaking Hausa without knowing that i’ve hard everything he said, hoping that he would tell me latter but he never did, i went home and he never bodered calling me to let me know, Sunday came, i guss i was the first to send him a Birthday wishers, with that he dint call me, a week after his birthday, i went to his place, he never apologies knowing fullly well i sent i sent him a message, i came back home that faithful day,i called to tell him i was at home.after the chating till today he has not called to know how am doing, and i promised my self i won’t call him again. pls tell does he trully love me? if he doesn’t pls tell me what to do. WAITNG TO HEAR FROM YOU, OR PLS SEND IT TO MY MAIL. THANK YOU.
Hello Oga Sir,
I just saw this article though it’s been a long time now. I feel I should just write a comment.
It’s rather very funny that in our society today pre-marital sex has become the order of the day. Many people believe, everybody is doing it, it it’s bad but OK. I want to emphasis here and now that everybody is not doing it. There are still seven thousand knees that have not bow to the Baal. We that believe that pre-marital sex is bad we should speak up, and not keep quite. We need to encourage and support the few people that are daily facing the shame of holding to their chastity in this morally-decaying society.
There are several people like Sola who are at the edge of giving up due to peer pressure and particularly when they are climbing the late twenties. It’s challenging that many christian youths are involved in this and much more challenging that many churches and religious bodies can really do something to quickly help salvage this situation. I feel the youth in our generation needs help and more knowledge on sexuality and more on pre-marital sex.
Once again Oga D. Thanks.
Everybody has a share in this issue. many parents left there work undone or don’t even realize their responsibilities concerning their wards. Everybody likes and want pleasure, so most of our youth have decided to bend or twist or change the definition of good values to their taste to satisfy their lustful desires. some don’t even know what value signifies…there was nobody to tell them what it is neither do they understand the worth of virtue. I don’t know why the truth is so difficult to speak in these generation of ours. Some even know what is right but are blinded by the pleasure derived from what is wrong.
this is a furked up site…..there are a whole lot of pretenders and hypocrite in this site. U all no nothing about religion and morality.
Face the real world…being a virgin won’t guarantee a blissful marriage, moreover, no one will employ the services of an inexperience driver for long and virginity (sex before marriage) won’t take you to heaven!!!!
am out..
The problem is Nigerians are getting more westernized than civilized. In Sociology the re clearly seperated. I ll give a summary WESTERNIZATION- importing ideas and ways of doing things from America n Europe and practice them by someone from another part of the world(NIGERIAN). CIVILISATION- To improve someones behaviour, educate a society for more development.
Its now cool to be almost nude, do drugs, smokes, blow jobs, divorces………. Not everyone has got to like it, and pressure shouldn't break any1 to reducing oneself to a tool for satisfying every man who is willing and able. Am 25, am virgin n am loving it, am getting married soon and my hubby, is proud of me, n believe it or not hs a virgin too. So it may be hard, rare or unusual, but gelfriend somewhere out there is a man for you and will value you. Next time you come acrooss a lady taunting you for being a virgin esp teenagers, tell her in less than five minutes u could be her status if you wanted, but for the rest of her life, she can never be a Virgin again, so u have an edge, Flaunt it, enjoy it and give God praise for it. GLORIFY GOD AND HIM ALONE WITH YOUR BODY!
good for strengthening weakening resolves
Try nd move out wif gud frends, in d end u find out it is very essential. Kip ur virginity! It increases ur value!