How I Planned to be Disvirgined!
Everyday, I get one mail, text or call or the other, that helps me know that people value my little contribution, and believe me, it’s encouraging. I don’t want to live a normal life, of grow, marry, give birth and die. I want to add value, to change lives, to bring hope, to bring help, to save, to provide to leave a legacy.
I got this mail forwarded to me by Praise Fowowe on feedback from Sex2Sex conference, and if this was the only mail and feedback from the event, I think the event is well worth it. Trust me, there is no kidding the kind of pressure that is mounted on young people. How the world migrated from a time when it was honorable to be chaste to one where being a virgin is something to be shy of amazes me. The world is on it’s head, man is dysfunctional! But before we get too far in analyzing that, read the reason why this title. It’s here and uncut!
“”H…My name’s Sola, Im 25years & I’m a virgin…”
If dat was all i heard on saturday, it wud av bin enof! dat word struck me till d end of d summit. Im also a 24yrs old virgin <at least technically> but im so ashamed of it n i cant talk to anyone abt it. Infact, I’ve left all my relationships bcos i wasnt willing 2 give in.some weeks ago, my bf threatened a break up - unelse we had sex. I actually was goin to give in cos i was frustrated - all d men in my life av left me 4 dis same reason. I started doing blow-jobs to satisfy him despite d fact dat it made me really sick, still he insisted on SEX. I made up my mind to give it to him-afterall, everbodi does it so kini big deal?
On wednesday, i went to “food major” to quench my hunger on my way from d office and i saw d handbill. It was d SEX2SEX dat really caught my attentin n i was 1darin wat kinda program cud b tagged dis raw. then i saw Pat automi & d durrotoyes’ on it and i knew right then dt i was goin to b dere. I cancelled my date - d date we arranged Id b deflowered- and i made it to Ikeja 4 d Uth Summit, though late. Now, afta d uth summit? No way! ain’t doin it n i intend to kick his ass off my life dis weekend! I now C my virginity in a different way. though i cant talk abt it but i feel cool wit it.
Thank you all 4 helping me kip wat i now see as my most priced possesion! I hope to attend more uth forums from now.
God bless you.”
I don’t have any apologies for how this sounds, but our cultures are changing, our young people are celebrating the wrong values. What is valuable in our culture is being replaced by sham, and we are not imbibing the good things in the worlds we want to be like. It’s all our fault, in silence we agree, in refusing to shine, we encourage darkness. Sex is a good thing, but is safe, good and approved only within a marriage environment.
If this life is the only reason for the seminar, it is well worth it, but again I ask myself, what happens next? Does she get into her environment and resume with the pressure? Are we creating positive peer pressure? What are we that know what is right doing? What are you doing? These questions, require answers, not with words, with our actions.
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Ogochukwu on 
Oluwakorede
Solomon
this is really worth it i encourage her to stay pure, sometimes the pressure is so much that you want to give in even though you know deep down it is wrong but nevertheless only you can take responsibility for yourself.thankGod she came in contact with the summit what about others in her category who dont know about anywhere they can get such info our youth really need to be reorientated God help our youth.
By the time I finished reading Sola’s mail, my eyes are already heavy. I just hope all of us who read deoluakinyemi’s site and respond and those who dont will start to reflect the light in us and build the positive pressure that is so much needed for the upcoming generation.
We all are to blame indeed, our values are been eroded by the minute, but we can’t allow our past failures be the story of our entire life. No! We must move to create positive change in our immediate circle of influence, God helping us.
Hmn,what is the essence of loosing your virginity when you will later want to find it. Ask a sincere person that lost their virginity before marriage,they wish they had waited a little till marriage.Congratulate that lady for God will her way a man that will value and celebrate her.
Shocking… the letter gives me goose pimples… really if for this girl alone, the program was well worth it.
Kudos Praise.
I am so glad that this lady was touched by the sex2sex summit. like deolu said, what happens next?????? I wonder.
There are a lot of pressures on people like us because we decide to differentiate ourself and not follow the crowd.
However, i’d say that virginity is something to be cool about, even though many of our pairs will see t as absurd.
I pray that the lady in question and those of us who are cool with our status to have enough grace to stand by what we believe in.
Deolu, thanx for this. More of it should come.
It is refreshing to know that values are returning to what it used to be and virtues are being encouraged and praised. As a married woman i know that sex is worth waiting for. I have a 29 years old single friend who has kept herself till now but she’s been lonely cos guys just don’t wanna stick around. I’ll definitely forward this to her to encourage her. Thanks Deolu, and kudos Praise.
Sex is a sin? I don’t agree. And I am sure this aint a gospel campaign.
Is the intention directed towards protecting the sanctuary of marriage? Well the intent is misleading to say the least.
Perhaps safe sex? Then by all means promote safe sex instead of abstinence.
I do not subscribe to the values of sex is only for married people, as sex itself can be experienced by registered partners in a special way without marriage.
The institution of marriage although promoted to be a sacred nest of blissful ever afters, only happen in fairy tales..
You said
One’s principles or standards or judgments about what is valuable or important in life is totally subjective. To me Sex is not a Sin, and should never be promoted as one. But it can be special, I agree.
You want to preach that it is a sin, do so in religious institutions by all means, using religious doctrines to support it.
You want to establish a strong marriage foundation, then by all means promote marriage counseling initiatives, or lectures.
You want to promote safe sex, abstinence campaigns has been proven ineffective by many researches.
Saving sex for marriage wont save your marriage.
‘Tis really a good thing when people make ‘U-turns’ and get their pride back. It is truly refreshing.
I am positive that there are many more out there like Praise in the same dilemma.
With tools like the Sex2Sex event, more and more persons can resist the temptation just as Praise did.
Congratulate the girl for me and relay the following to her.
- A man who truly loves you will wait for your wedding night.
- Contrary to what people choose to believe; not everyone is doing it.
- Not all men are dogs. Some still kept the essence of the headship God bestowed on men at creation.
- A man who threatens to leave u for sex will still leave u after it.
- Close your eyes and envisage the good feeling u will have giving that gift to the one man who cherish you on ur wedding night.
- Try to envisage how free ur spirit will be when u don’t have to remember soiled past.
- You also have to forgive urself for those acts that are SEX as far as I am concerned and wait for the right man.
- The right man still exist. Yeah, I waited till I got married. Yeah I did!
- My friends(girls) flaunt their virginity when they were not married. Maybe u are in d wrong boat. If u roll with the wrong crew - then u can be ashamed of your values.
- If u need a man who knows d heart of God - better love God too and associate with those kind of people. You have to first work on yourself to be able to attract the right man.
- Above all. No man can ever be good on his own! A man is as good as the extent to which she/he allows God in her/his life.
Just my own thots. I hope it helps.
The truth is, our generation is corrupt…I don’t blame the lady for feeling ashamed when it comes to discussing her virginity because of our society. People will see her as naive, and old-schoolish. But instead of feeling ashamed I think she should walk tall. She’s taking a wise decision and I pray she doesn’t change her mind. If those guys want to go because she does not want to give in, let them go. They don’t deserve the honour of taking virginity in the first place…a better man is on the way.
Young girls should be encourage to keep their virginity if they’ve not lost it. It’s a priceless gift and I’m sure their future husbands will adore and ‘worship’ them.
It takes grace to keep ones virginity till the wedding day. Go girl, don’t loose just yet…Keep it, it costlier than rubies.
Thanks Uncle D for bringing this to our notice…God bless you and increase your wisdom…
@Kazey,
Is sex sin, no! Sex is good and sweet, but within the framework of marriage. I said I have no apologies because, I can indeed extend my bible based beliefs (not religious) to values. If Richard Brandson can brandish is lack of belief in God, if Donald Trump can make Pride cool, who says Adeolu Akinyemi cannot read his bible and equate Gods’ standards to societal right values?
When two people are partners and they are both guys, it’s against Gods laws. They are doing what is not proper, they are losing it. If they are both ladies, same. If they are mere partners, the good book recognizes no sex involved partnership that is not marriage. I’m not promoting abstinence, I’m promoting marriage :). Not safe sex, no sex outside marriage!
Will not having sex before marriage save your marriage? No! Neither will raping a two year old make someone die young. We can’t look for what is right be what it doesn’t do. We as humans need to admit that we are only a micro gradually unveiling part of universal intelligence. There is a God, and his ways are what we’ll all default to in time. We might need to at times research the validity of his opinion, but it always ends up with us arriving at where was marked out clearly from start.
American researchers discovered that 98% of humanity is dysfunctional… many years before that, the Bible said that all had sinned and fallen short of Gods glory.
Ferdinand Magellan discovered that the world was not flat, but round… many years earlier the bible recorded that God sits on the great circle of the earth.
Man progresses in the direction of affirming what the divine said without explanations. Today, we have aids to show for indiscriminate sex, we have other diseases as well. We have humans sleeping with monkeys, dogs and chicken, we have all sorts. If we did it the way he said to do it, will we be in this mess?
Hi Deolu,
Truly a life is not more significant than its impact on other lives. Well done good and faithful servant.
Hi Kazey,
Deolu is not just sharing his ideas; he has no say in this matter. He is an ambassador of the government of God and all he is doing is to align with and share the position of his government. According to the governmental constitution, only marital sex is in alignment with God’s will. Pre-marital sex and extra-marital sex are SIN. Kazey, you can’t redefine SIN. You can’t be a dissenting voice to the will of God!
Cheers!
@Kazey.. u heard that already from the horses’ mouth….
@Bro Deolu..Thanks for springing this up. I’ll be 25 on the 6th of November and i’m still a virgin despite all the peer pressuresssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
All thanks to Baba loke
@Deolu……nice post….we certainly must have more sex2sex (sexuality) meetings in Nigeria before all our kids begin to share Kazey’s point of view.
@Kazey…..who told you sex is special? How would you know it’s special…is it because you read it somewhere or practice it regularly or because you were told?
I mean what informs your agreeing with it been special. I’m not saying you’re wrong. I just want to know what platform you are basing your judgement of it as. Maybe then i’d be able to respond your long comment.
Nywayz, every thing was created for a purpose is all I’d say and when products begin to get controversial, it’s usually best to consult the manufacturer or the manual if it’s available. In this case both are.
The manufacturer is God and He demands that it be done only within the boundaries of marriage. The manual is His word. (The Bible) I’m really not interested in starting or winning a debate here, but I’ll ask you mate…..Don’t lying feel good sometimes? does that make it good…….Doesn’t stealing make you feel good sometimes? can it then be termed as good…..Don’t you feel kinda smiley sometimes when u cheat someone or play smart on someone?….is it then good.
You can rationalize it anyway you want and anyhow you wish. What is true cannot be made untrue because of popular opinion.
If sex is so good and it doesn’t have any restrictions…….pls can you let us know at what age it is right to begin to have sex? Can we sleep with each other from the point we begin to have erections or arousals? Define it pls……Clear the smudges and the blurs……..
Why shouldn’t brothers sleep with sisters since we are all brothers and sisters anyway, we all come from one man one woman?
Why shouldn’t fathers sleep with daughters and mothers with sons? why would we divide the lines? pls why? If sex is as harmless and casual as u are making it out to be.
SEX AIN’T JUST SPECIAL, IT’S SACRED and your downplaying it or modernising it doesn’t change anything.
If you paint the sky red in all your drawings of the sky, it doesn’t stop it from being blue.
you’ll certainly revisit this discussion when you meet the Maker of sex one day. Then i’ll know whether it’s your own MANUAL or HIS that will ultimately count.
What is wrong, is wrong no matter how you try to garnish or justify it.
Sex is for only married folks. end of discussion. Sex outside of marriage is wrong. I can bet you that it is only a guy who will see it the other way round. If you where in a girl’s shoe will you give in to sex
outside of marriage? Guys for once lets be sincere with oursleves,
would you let your kid sister or daughter give in to such blackmail?
Nemesis will catch up with you along the line ,then you will start to
ask and say where did you go wrong.
Lets be real, it’s wrong. Lets talk about it openly and educate our young girls.
Chairman, keep up the Good work God bless you mightly .Amen oh
@ deolu
i cant agree with you more on your reply to kazeys take..whether we take it or not God’s word is final even though we may choose not to believe in the existence of Gods sovereignity but that dont change the fact that everything was carefully orchestrated and planned by by him.anything outside of that is foolishness.
thank you.
whenever I see/hear men riding on their intellect and talk or write, just to justify what is obviously not admonishing/ edifying/advantageous in all ramification when one really think deep, i wonder why? Our values are simply eroding and if we do not speak up, we all might be affected.
Deolu well done, bible is a total book, it’s full of instructions to a healthy and prosperous living. Blood is life and through it, we enter into covenant. Little wonder why so many young people got their untimely death through untimely sex.
I wouldn’t want to write a lengthy mail or let this sound as if we are in a church. But then, think about this, you are young now, remember you used to be little and God willing you will be a parent and subsequently old. How will you feel if your child sleep around? So many things could go wrong, such people are prone to sexually transmitted diseases, they might give birth to unwanted children -(the future of such children are usually very dimm), some men got their manhood damaged or containminated in the process, some ladies got their womb damaged and never gotten the chance of child bearing when they are ready.”Like Easu, looking for his birth right (children) with tears”. Moses, decided to suffer with the people of God and deny himself the “pleasure of being called Pharaoh’s daughter son”. That pleasure is short lived, it pays to wait and be disciplined. There is more to loose than gain by having sex before marriage. The simple way of creating a better life is by living responsibly. It pays to live for others. We cannot afford to be selfish.
Its so amazing how we have sites like this to open eyes yet ladies still fall prey of the male pressure,relationship and sex things.It takes the grace of God,the holy spirit and the right friend to endure till marriage.
I read every comment on here and will like to say talk is cheap..we need action..more of the television programmes,orientation programmes to change our world.it is time for christain to take dominion of the devils trick and give God all glory.
@ Kazey
SEX SELLS, we all know that but it doesn’t mean it’s right to sell it. Deolu has made his point clear which by every inch i support.
Who are the researchers that said in your words ‘abstinence campaigns has been proven ineffective by many researches’, other than the promoters of sex.
It is a known fact that UN was accused of backpeddaling on the HIV/AIDS campaign which was supposed to be on abstinence rather than safe sex.
This diabolic campaign made possible by the corporate cartel (mnc’s) has really worked on most of us because we live in a world where you and i are seen as numbers or commodities, the so called free world.
The power of the multi-national companies overides most of the state policies which is what you need to understand i.e the profit and credit society of the western world determines or G7 determines what happens all over.
I agree with you that we might have individual values, however what is right is right and vice versa, at least we all see the effect of this thing, think back from when contraceptive was made available to all.
Look at the cigarrete or tobacco campaign, western governments could have banned it outrightly but the power of the MNc’s ketp them because this industry is a multi-billion dollar industry so the number of people that die in a year is insignificant to the producers.
@
Sola virgin (lol), you ve got the greatest priced possesion i must say and make sure it goes to someone that will appreciate it for life, all the ones that leave you cos u didnt give do not worth it, period.
The loss of value in the western world is been transported into every other part of the world
I must congratulate Sola for her decision and for saying NO to corruption and perversion which many accept today as normal. Even most traditions and culture see premarital sex as an abormination. But I must warn Sola and many young ones out there who have been fighting this pressure and resisting the flame of lust and the seduction of numerous fornicators and adulterers in our society. The BATTLE is not over yet. I faced it. But how did I overcome? I turned to Christ. Secondly, I entered into a covenant of purity and chastity with the Lord Jesus Christ to keep me, because I know I could not keep my self. My part of the covenant was that I would rather die or be killed by the Lord than to fall or rather walk into this sin. God kept me for many years before I got married. He gave me my ‘own’ wife, a virgin at 25. My daugther is 16+ and still a virgin, and will marry as a vigin. NOTE: God is interested in virgins and our virginity. He needed a virgin to give birth to Jesus( Mary). He also need wise virgins(spiritually) to make up His Bride/True Church.Remember the parable of the 5 wise virgins of Matt 25, Pls let’s preserve our virginity for many rapists and wolves are out there! Flee from them!!!
Benjamin.
kazey well said i most say, you see when we look at delicate issues like this we have to check the perspective from which we want to view it, as it can often at times lead us to the wrong road as kazey said
”You want to preach that it is a sin, do so in religious institutions by all means, using religious doctrines to support it.
You want to establish a strong marriage foundation, then by all means promote marriage counseling initiatives, or lectures.
You want to promote safe sex, abstinence campaigns has been proven ineffective by many researches. (please note this fact as we live in a society where we are exposed to so many things and many people go into so called relationships for the wrong reasons, sola is just one out of a hundred who decided that she was going to let it rest, but mind you a lot of people also face issues relating to sex even in their marriages which at times often lead to break ups believe me…..which also points to the fact which i agree with kazey
”Saving sex for marriage wont save your marriage”.
sex is never a sin if done in the right manner, i hav dated my girlfriend for 2years plus and we havent had sex, she’s a comfirmed virgin and that gives me joy and makes me proud of her, i love her so much. we are waiting for our wedding night.
Isn’t it shameful and disgraceful that everything [music, movies and even religious sermons] in our society celebrates moral paucity? Just to penetrate the market, certain organizations crown proponents of moral bankruptcy as ‘Ambassadors’ and project them as role models for the younger ones to follow. Thus, unconsciously handing down moral bankruptcy like an inheritance, to a new and innocent generation.
What kind of society are we shaping? It just occured to me that we no longer have any act refered to as ‘taboo’ in our society…
More than ever, it is high time we stand for what we believe. One voice can make a change. One man can start a revolution. I don’t believe it is archaic to be morally upright, never will it be!
I didn’t want to comment on this before, but i must say this;
GOD will never lower His standard for the sake of any mortal man.
Until you see things the way God does, you are of all men most miserable.
PLEASE, lets not try to be smarter than God by trying to find expanations to justify our ‘habitual’ sinful habits.
Let me categorically say that I am not a pastor neither do I pray to be one, but I am an addicted (by His grace) follower of the dictates of the Bible.
SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE IS SIN, irrespective of the person involved whether pope or bishop.
I rest my case.
Deolu, thanks for this article. The first time i read this lady’s mail, i held my breath till i finished. She needs to be followed up to keep the desire to keep herself strong.
@Kazey
Sex is sin….whoever said that? Sex was created by God and so, couldn’t be “holier”. There’s however the acceptable environment of marriage for it to take place.
Safe Sex? Hmm….can you sleep with a lady who is confirmed HIV positive even with a condom on? I bet you wouldn’t dare!
“Abstinence campaigns have proven ineffective”, i agree, but the plain truth is, no matter how much we argue, we will (whether we like it or not) ultimately accept God’s standards, it just might be too late for some people. There’s no argument that can change the truth, and there’s no right way to live outside God.
Will saving sex before marriage save your marriage, No; neither will not saving it. The most important thing is the quality of life we live, married or unmarried.
@ adeolu
fantastic points oga D. The seeds are yielding massive fruits.
@ kacey,
thanks for that candid contribution. most people will just gloss over it.
Let us assume, it were not a gospel campaign, but an objective analysis. Though I strongly believe we cannot proclaim values without tying it to our deepest belief system.
Saving sex for marriage may not save your marriage, but more than 80% of issues surrounding relationships are avoided. some unfruitful relationships are unnecessarily prolonged because of illicit sex, only to get broken when issues of lifetime commitment come up. Why do people enter into relationships, for sex or intimacy?
It remains to be disproved that the chances that a relationship will end up in marriage reduces after women give in to sex. Thousands of ladies are giving in to this kind of pressures everyday. They give sex hoping to find love and discover once they give in, the guy loses intrest and moves on to the next “victim” - the guy gave love, showered gifts, in the hope that he finds sex . when a guy leaves a lady because he wants sex, what is he saying?. i wanted sex, not u.
“I do not subscribe to the values of sex is only for married people, as sex itself can be experienced by registered partners in a special way without marriage.”
The American nation we are following has continued to grasp with that defination of “registered partners” today ala ADAM and STEVE.Have you checked their divorce statistics lately? The marriage consellors are choked up with long retinue of clients who want the dicotomy of a secure and faithful marriage without the confines of faithfulness and abstinence. We can as well talk about a one ended stick. If we follow the American value trend, we will get the results of America.
If you were not faithful before marriage. it will be a miracle if you do after.
If you slept with each other before marriage, it will be a source of worry if the husband’s secretary is beautiful and single.
Can there ever be safe sex? think again. how many people go about carrying condoms in the hope of emergency sex? Then is it okay to smoke, because there’s a filter at the end, but then there are always long term consequences. Blissful marriages are still possible,it’s a pity the common is trying to become the norm.
As a trained health educator, I can tell you, man is the most difficult vector to control. Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee.
I once had a friend who candidly asked if it were possible to have a relationship without sex, after losing her 4th bf to this ’sex blackmails’.I told her there are still uncommon men out there, prized possessions and endangered spicies.lady if you find one, it’s worth the wait.
Mind you, there are no condoms to protect you from unwanted memories and emotional hurts.
cheers
@Kazey
We can have an argument from now till when the world ends as to whether it is proper to have sex before marriage or not and in the process miss out on the important issues at stake.
Some important points to consider are:
1. Why are you having sex in the first instance? and how much value do you place on the person you’re having sex with and their feelings with full recognition of what effect or possible effects such an act will have on them and remembering the biblical injunction that says we should love our neighbours as ourselves or if not religiously inclined the age old adage that says do as you would be done by (i.e. don’t trifle with people’s feelings)
2. I personally will not say as a hard and fast rule that it is a sin to have sex before marriage, the probabilities of it being a sin is however very high particularly in such a society as ours where sex is not taken as trivially as it is in most developed societies. At the least 80% of women who will agree to sleep with you in Nigeria will do so solely on the basis of the assurance of a future permanent relationship and you will be damaging the person if you obtain such consent by deception (which is definitely a sin because the bible says thou shalt not lie and if you are not religious I beleive you would not like someone to do the same to you).
3. I beleive the law was made for man and not vice-versa so having sex before marriage can be a sin or not depending on the circumstances but before you take that road and allow your hormones take over your senses, I do advice taking some time to ponder.
Maybe Donald Trump have not told kazey how much he has lost to so many uncontrollable desire for ladies, maybe he should ask tyson, my brother if u value tomorrow practice controlled sexuality.
there is another evil i see under the sun nowadays and it is the craze of intending couples who are not yet married to be pregnant for each other before they marry.the reason the men give is well i dont know her past and i want to be sure that the womb is intact and be sure she can procreate before i take the leap of marriage.so you see many aspiring young girls who are so scared of the fact that they may not find someone worthwhile to marry inevitably fall to this new order of the day.may GOD help us.
women in their 40s that are not married, are u saying they should be virgins till this age
Long ago, i discovered that in being a blessing, you become blessed. D’ thank you! You’re doing a great job!
As for Kazey, i wish you & i could have a small chat let me tell you a bit of my experience with Jesus who appeared to me as a drunk and all…maybe you’d believe in God’s word, in Angels or in sex only after marriage…
Its not what society thinks; Don’t you have a conscience? If you had a teenage daughter, would you mind her having sex regularly (with different guys) before she eventually got married? THINK! I guess not!
God help us all!
“I don’t have any apologies for how this sounds, but our cultures are changing, our young people are celebrating the wrong values.”
I agree in totality with this sir. I have a friend who insists that all girls/ladies are always looking for a man to sleep with. I disagreed with him and told him that not all, probably a few…. 20%? Not sure. But definitely, the pressure for sex is enormous, the media does nothing to help with it, and movie sellers……….
Our society is going into a state of abject degeneration of moral values, and spares no age difference whatsoever. Churches? Mosques? Its a ravenging monster that has broken loose from its bonds and needs to be curtailed as soon as possible ( that is if it is not to late already!).
Well,…So Help Us God!
is so amazing that the society does not believe that there are still virigns.when they do not believe the youth will find it diffculty to cope with their environment which is full of sinful acts,l just pray that the society will appreciate the fact the virignity is a virtue which shd be kept and that there are still virigns to be appreciated and prayed 4 that the dont lose it till there wedding nite
We are gradually coming back to: the days of LOT; the days of Noah before the flood, HE WHO HAS EARS LET HIM HEAR.
Ladies keep yourself not because of any man but because it is God’s commandment, you will always be the one to benefit for keeping His commands in the end.
Save yourself unnecessary heartaches regardless of what the world says.
Ciao.
Values, Ethics, culture, social expectations, and we can go on and on.
Who defines them? You? Me? Religious Doctrines? God? Satan? Your parents? Your upbringing?
Its a very subjective matter.
I did not do the following in my commentary:-
1. Encourage pre-marital sex
2. Discourage the campaign
3. Insult the effort of encouraging chastity
What i did was infact raise up an argument in retrospect to the concept of painting the world with the same color. Not everybody subscribes to your values, and not everybody believes in what you believe in. And that was agreed to, by Deolu’s response to my commentary.
He agreed that, different people have different values, and that he respected them, and his values are based on his beliefs and does not necessarily mean that everybody has to believe nor subscribe to it. That goes in agreement with my argument.
Which government institution is that ? Arabia? You got to be kidding me…
I am not representing your idea of the will of God !! I am representing myself.
According to? your religious doctrines? Yes? My argument exactly.
So you are using probability theories to measure or define sin? Interesting approach :), I would like to know which belief system you subscribe too.
Yes topsie, my point exactly.
What ? I don’t recollect talking about desires, but here you are talking about supposed controlled sexuality. Another mis-interpretation.
I wanted to ignore your comment, but I thought, hec it wouldn’t hurt to answer it.
I don’t believe in the concept of religion, infact most of the problems we have in the world today are caused by religion. Part of the problem is you.
Here you are trying to push your beliefs down my throat, and not respecting me for my own beliefs and opinion. Soon you would potray and subject me to the object, which you term The Devil, and what happens next? That scares the hell out of me.
Peer pressure is a powerful thing for good and evil. I have had the wonderful advantage of moving around with peers who were and are all virgins and who chose their wedding nights/or nights after to be deflowered. We are all Christians and believe this to be RIGHT and PLEASING to the one we serve and who gave us the grace to do so.
Accountability will help (the same way there is pressure to give in from friends, there is also the guidance not to by friends)!
I do believe it is possible to remain a virgin as myself and my husband were till we married (our first kiss was on our wedding day in front of the whole congregation) and I can point to several of my friends as well who were and are!
Very pertinent article! Lovely decision made! I have never regretted it. Hope this helps someone as well!
What an arguement! and what a testimony for those who have by deed uphold God’s standard of chastity.
Beloved, let me point out that we all have not had it easy. My life was full of regrets because I engaged in pre-marital sex. Though, I have rededicated my life to christ and He’s given me assurance of forgiveness… I tell you, the scars are there for me to encourage anyone to completely abstain!
thanks for the love of Christ that found me.
Bro’s deolu, never relent to stand up for what you can die for.
Great post….
@Kacey…..yeah I see you are trying hard to tell us that your view about religion is neutral…. SEX outside marriage is BAD….many have been ruined cos of it….and do I get the feeling that you are neck deep in it?……Just a question.
@CM…..another accolade for you…thumbs up.
Deolu,you are a God given inspiration.Keep it up!The truth is that we are products of many things ranging from beliefs,environments,friends and so on.One Yoruba adage says “A sheep that keeps company with dog will definitely eat faeces” Many of our ladies are the ones killing themselve,they forget our values therefore admiring to be like other people of different values.i.e in dressing flaunting,thier curves to the appreciation of men that have no care of hurting and messing her great ‘POSSESSION’ There should be moderacy.Great beauty and respect in simplicity.U’know!
I hope Praise is not like the ‘it doesn’t matters’ Please keep it up.
You miss the point of my contribution, my point is that actions are either right or wrong depending on:
1. The motivating thought behind the action
2. The effect that action has on the perpetrator, the recipient/victim and the society at large
an example of this that I would point out from the bible is Jesus driving out the people selling in the temple (in any other circumstance, whipping people and overturning their wares would be a sin but the peculiar circumstance that surround that event made it a righteous act.)
Relating it to probability is to point out the peculiarities of our society where most people’s views are still very conservative (wrongly or rightly) about sex which need to be respected whether you beleive in those views or not.
The important thing is what is best for the two people involved in the long run.
As to your question on my belief system, I would have said that it doesnt matter to this discussion as you have pointed out that individual beliefs are different but I would like to say that I respect any religion or movement that uplifts the individual and enables him find his place and purpose in the human race as a whole.
I do beleive in God, Jesus Christ and the Bible but don’t insist that everyone has to beleive in them like I do though I would love them to find the same peace and understanding I have found in holding those beliefs and that would make me a christian according to some people’s classification but I would rather not attach any such tag of organized mainstream religion to myself as I beleive that such organized religious groupings have been responsible for most of the evils perpetuated in this world.
What an interesting argument.
@Deolu
I love your response on Kazey’s views.
@Kazey,
I can see, ur views flow from someone who do not beleive in the concept of religion not to talk of the bible.
Safe sex? Hmm, is it really safe?
Hope we all know that condom was originally intended for the prevention of pregnancies and does not offer 100% proctection against HIV/AIDS?
I was speaking with a lady, student of unipot, sometime who tested +ve for HIV/AIDS and according to her, she has never had sex without condom. a food for thought.
A question was asked by one of the commentators if you would go to bed with an HIV +ve lady using condom?
If i am correct, according to Bro. Praise, one of the promoters of safe sex was once asked that question on a TV show and the answer was no.
Abstinence is the key but its “failure” , as you claim, can be traced to the failure of a lot of other institutions including the media.
Footnote: We are gravitating towards absolute secularism and degenreation and believe me, bestialists and paedophiles would soon be canvassing for thier rights as well…lol
Wao! I couldn’t hold back my joy when i stumbled on these words from the great Kaka,
————————————–
Headline: People Should Keep Their Virginity Until Marriage - Kaka
Milan and Brazil playmaker Kaka believes his decision to stay a virgin until he gets married should be an example to every youngster around the world…
Although the Rossoneri star is active on the training pitch, the same cannot be said in the bedroom department following his latest revelations.
Kaka, who is a very devoted Evangelist, believes it’s right not to have sex before marriage and he has a message for all those who have their doubts.
“I am a great example. The majority of people say that after marriage, they don’t like jumping into bed with their partner because there is no desires. However, this is not true, my wife is the person I love and it was worth waiting,” Kaka told Fohla de Sao Paulo.
“A lot of people were surprised and shocked with me but I think it’s the best decision. I am an evangelist and I believe in those values. I think people need to prevent themselves from making love before marriage.
“Of course, everyone has their own opinions but I think it was worth the wait.”
————————————–
No wonder on one ocassion, when he flung his jersy open, i saw the following on his inner wear: “I love Jesus”
Hey!!!
Atta Girl!
You did just the very right thing! I married my husband as a virgin,Guess what age…at 34! and today he respects and loves me like no man’s business!
We need to speak up on this issue more!!!
The need to keep your chastity is for both sexes. As a pastor I always go extra mile to tell the congregation and celebrate a virgin couple (I confirm this during period of courtship) on their wedding day. This I believe will help the “hearers” to appreciate the importance of purity, iro immorality. There is spiritual attachment because the bible says “marriage is honourable and the bed undefile”. If God says so it is good for us.
Some unanswered questions
1. For people who do not believe in the institution of marriage or any system of belief that supports it, is having sex within the confines of their belief system sin? I think this is Kazey’s real question.
2. Should ladies find someone to sleep with if they are becoming of age, and yet are not married, would it be fair to let them not be a part of this? I believe this is Biola’s question.
3. Are we not quick to push our beliefs and opinions even when we do not have facts to back them up? Will we really be able to have this argument with nationals that averagely ask what is wrong with you when you get married?
4. Are there voices like kazey’s that a not speaking their true beliefs because the crowd against seems much? Can we have the benefit of their views?
I think the question of sex is throwing in many sub-issues that need to be addressed.
Great contributions so far…
Great contributions…but this issue of sex before marriage is a global one..I was just chatting with a female friend of mine in the Ukraine…below is an excerpt from our conversation?
My friend: is it normal for african guys to have sex before marriage?
JesusFreak: it’s not normal, dont let anyone deceive u, our culture permits sex after marriage
My Friend: so why do all black guys just use us…??, just use white girls for sex
JesusFreak: they use u because u allow them, i guess ur culture also permits it
My Friend: noo, christians are the same everywhere
My Friend: but africans from my church do that, is it normal?????????
JesusFreak: It’s not normal..they are doing that out of the bible
So i ask, what’s is the big deal about sex? A young (14 yrs old) girl ones asked me,”when am i to start having sex” What age? I need answers plsss
This is a very interesting topic. I am married but I had sex before marriage that does not make me justify that what I did then was right, and I dont think what I did then made me a sinner. From my understanding of the bible sin is not believing in God’s provision for freedom, Jesus Christ, which definitely informs how you live your life daily. I read in my bible that all the laws of God are meant for peaceful co existent among us, God does not have a wife that you want to commit adultery with, so what is He protecting. Our attitude does not make him less God.
This is my point, there are lot of disease that are transmitted daily through sexual intercourse, by not obeying basic hygiene principle etc. By simply obeying the law of one man, one woman most of these diseases would not not have existed in the first place. Sex is not only fun, it is a risk. Kazey I think it is not about religion, life is spiritual we are entitled to our beliefs but we should know that facts don’t change our story may be different, our experiences may not be the same but facts remain the same. Sex is sacred it is not meant for fun, it is meant for bonding, it is a convenant.
I pray the young woman finds and keeps the courage to uphold her determination and that other young women will hold and value this priceless possession for that day when they finally say ‘I do’.
The world might have gone crazy, other cultures might have eaten badly deep into our but it doesnt remove the fact that virginity IS still highly priced and valued by guys no matter how much they try to make it look and sound outdated.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm!
@ everyone correct kazey with love and not condemnation
or he will harden his heart even more, and if he currently doing it out
of marriage, he needs love and encouragement to get out of it.
he is our brother
God is love
@ kome Ten Thumbs up !!
@ d virtous virgin stay strong and true, God is your strenght
hi all,
i got this late but it is very useful. right here where i am, everybody i know is in a sextual relationship and i ask myself am i lost or missing something? i know am not anyway but you guys just gave me more clues to that.
i can say, right there at home (Nigeria), i dont know and well maybe i never experienced it but i can say it is easier to hold on to yourself. well maybe i was fortunate to have good friends.
my stactic was that i always Pray God should give me good friends anywhere i am. so when am lossing focus, they can guide me or i read sometihng that will make me get back on the course. and God always hears that.
I am in US now. i can tell you guys i do not bring up the sex issue around here. i fear if i do, i am inviting rape. i just listern and pity them all. I pray for them and try to talk them against it and have self value to whoever wants to listerns.
i know my talk will do little but i am waiting if it can change atlease one or two. Please you guys should keep doing this and i will keep forwarding your articles about sex related issues to these girls and even some men. you guys dont want to imagine the extents even our african brothers misinterpret sex. guess it is a global problem.
Thank you ones again. keep the good job going. you never know who it will touch next. Let us tell our girls. “No guy is worth getting ur virginity if he cant wait”.
This is a tough one and sure it aint easy, keep it up gurl…it’s all worth it at the end baby!
Kazey says:
blockquote>Which government institution is that ? Arabia? You got to be kidding me…
Kazey,
You’ve got the most interesting commentary on this blog! I wsh to respond to your enquiries as follows. I am not a fan of religion myself. I agree with you that the root cause of the crisis in the world is as a result of religion. It is even disheartening that christianity has been reduced to one of the man religions.
Jesus did not bring a religion to our world, he brought “upon his shoulders” a KINGDOM (which, as you may know, is a form of government) . He is the King of this Kingdom and he has called us to represent his interests on the earth.
This is what the Bible (which I referred to as the governmental constitution) instructs. I have no idea of the will of God which is not derived from this constitution.
Kazey says:
You will realise one day that your being born or created is not your idea…you didn’t contribute to that decision. So, you are here to respresent certain interests. These interests I call the Will of God. It is in your best interests to seek out God’s will and align with it. None of us can represent ourselves; we are either for God’s Kingdom or against Him.
Sometimes we are faced with nigthmares that haunt and then we pray so there would be no 2moro.At such point,we think we re alone and nobody understands us.The pressure becomes so intense and we say ”damn morals” but God who knows and sees all things is always there on the throne and on time making things right 4us.i thank God for Sola.
As 4u Kazey,sex is not special for unmarried people.
i dnt know wat the fuss is all about. Virgin or not, GOD LOVES US JUST AS WE R. Besides, even after reading all these comments,the person that ones to sin will.
@ Nene, yeah God loves us just as we are but He hates the Sin, and even after reading all these comments the person that wants to sin will, BUT some pple will change and som pple will be saved from hurts, HIV, abortion, death, barreness, hell etc so trust me it’s worth the fuss
well,i must first thank NENE and KAZEY,whats all the noise about?we have worse situations in the world,like hunger,war,unemployment,…and you hypocrites,talk about sex???why do christians force doctrine down peoples throats,and go into their rooms to do something else?
Have you seen anyone killed because they had sex?but millions are dying from hunger.
All you people talking about sin,have you never sinned?
lets leave this sin alone and talk nature,according to nature you are ready to start a family,at about 12/13,when you reach puberty,
we are creatures like other creatures,just because
we are mentally developed to go behind closed doors to ………..,why dont you tell the lion to get married,it is a sin to kill so why dont you tell the tiger to stop killing?
Is a soldier sinning when he kills to defend his country,doing his duty?
Kazey,please tell this people,that whoever is sinner,and whoever is holy,GOD loves us all.
SEX,like it,hate it,doctrinize it,argue about it, will remain a natural funtion of your anatomy,like eating,drinking,stooling,walking,talking,so why all the NOISE?,okay why dont you guys make all this fuss about farting,or should i wait to get married before i sitting equipment?
FINAL PASSING SHOTS:
no one person or group of persons can rightly prove whats wrong or right!
deolu talks about aids,and such stuff,it would have happened,whether we remained virgins or not,or are you telling me that you have not haerd about married people stepping out??
Go tell the chinese to stop sleeping wiht their sisters,it is a sin.
CHRISTIANS-LIVE AND LET LIVE
GOD FOR US ALL
LOVE.
@Kazey,
we should do a reality program,on dstv,
@nene
you should join in too!!
@Every one else,
The legendary artist BOB MARLEY sang,
‘untill the philosophy,which holds one (race,doctrine,country,….)inferior,and another, superior,is …finally and permanenetly,(-in my own words,EXTINGUISHED-).. everywhere is war!!!”
@Edward,
Unfortunately, you came into the party when the guests had gone.
Your arguement is very flawed, I bet you fart indiscriminately too. Around your friends, family and co-workers.
I know your type, you have a way of doing it and making others laugh about it too. So ofcourse you can’t see a fuss about sex which is just equivalent to farting as far as you are concerned. I wish you well.
I can’t really offer you an arguement though. We are not anchored on the same principles. What do you believe in, and on what authority do you argue? Is there a book that summarizes your beliefs so I can read it? Or is it a spirit? Or is it a code that you developed for select people in your phylum? What I’m trying to show you is this, pls don’t be offended, we’ll find it difficult to agree about what James Bond did if we watched two differnt episodes. Your episode is definitely different from mine, in fact, I dare say that your James Bond is from Shaki