February 26, 2009

Beyond the Reach of Fear


 

There is an experiment that I read about that opened my eyes to the truth about Fear. I’ll narrate the story to you and guide you into my understanding of the inner workings of fear and how to break away from limiting mind sets. There is nothing that stops living a full and fulfilling life like fear. Fear shackles, holds back, and paralyzes good initiatives. Many of our best ideas have never seen the light of day because of fear. Many of us are living way less than our possibilities because of fear. Many of us are stuck with Jobs we don’t like, relationships we don’t enjoy, dreams we haven’t birthed, desires we don’t express, all because of fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of being wrong, the fear of failing, the fear of falling, the fear of poverty, the fear of isolation. Fear! If you can break free from the hold of fear, not only will your words be motivating, your life will be inspiring. When we break lose from our fears, we unconsciously liberate others around us to do the same! 

How fear works is quite interesting, and I think this little experiment clarifies it. Imagine a long flat board, 100 meters long, and 1 meter wide (1 meter is a little more than 3 rulers and for 100 meters, think about the track in secondary school) Imagine it lying on the ground, and you are asked to walk on it without moving off it at any point. If the picture of this is clear in your mind, walking along this board for 100 meters should be a piece of cake. In fact, you should be able to almost close your eyes and run on it. Right? Now imagine that this same flat board, was lifted up to the height of a sky scraper and fixed between two sky scrapers for you to walk on? Imagine, it and ask if you would? The truth is, you will be a lot more reluctant to walk, the board has not changed, it was the same board you would have run on confidently a few mins ago. But all of a sudden now, you are afraid, the fact that it is high up is allowing you to be clouded by the possibilities of what might happen, you are suddenly thinking more about the consequences of falling than the prospects of walking or even running. This is the way fear works, it takes your eyes off possibilities into the real of consequences. You begin to imagine things that may and will never happen, and it stops you dead in your tracks. Fear is the greatest road block to success, and except you learn to live above and in spite of your fears you are doomed! Doomed to mediocrity, doomed to average, doomed to live out a frustrated and unfulfilling existence. If you don’t face your fears, it will back you down into the corners of timidity, batter you into cowardice and leave you an underachiever. We need to understand fear and free ourselves of it’s grip, here is how.

1. The Fear of Being Wrong

“The fear of being wrong is the prime inhibitor of the creative process” – Jean Bryant

What’s the big deal in being right or wrong? Who holds the measure on what is wrong and what is right? Many of us shut up in meetings where we have the brightest ideas, because we are afraid of being wrong. We refuse to write, to talk, to express our views, because we think, we may be wrong. So if you are wrong, what next? There are many things created that you and I enjoy today simply because the creators dared to contend with being labeled as wrong. The world held the wrong view that the earth was flat until Galileo refuted it and ended up in Jail, only to discover later, that he was right. Don’t let the fear of being wrong stop you. Feel free to be wrong, if you are truly wrong, then you would have opened the eyes of the world to another possible direction of reasoning.

2. The Fear of Rejection

“Fear makes strangers of people who should be friends”- Shirley MacLaine.

It’s so amusing, how the fear of what another mortal might do prevents us from approaching them and starting up a relationship. How frequently do we moan in silent love, and refuse to tell the object of our love how we truly feel? How frequently do we like somebody, really want to be friends with that person, and just think – “he or she is a snub, and will reject me”, and never find out? How frequently do we have a relationship we could leverage on, but think rather about wether we could be abusing the relationship? How often do we have the opportunity to walk towards a great man or woman to strike up a conversation and cower giving ourselves loads of excuses? Make that friend today, chat with that lady today, make that phone call now, don’t postpone the best days of your life. What if you are rejected? What does it change?

3. The Fear of Poverty

“Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat. (Fortune favors the brave.)”- Terence.

No one enslaved by fear is rich, either spiritually or materially! The fear of poverty makes poor. Listen to the words of the man with one talent -”Matthew 25:25  I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent. “. Listen also to what the master said about him, “The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least?  The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest. Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this “play-it-safe” who won’t go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.” Poverty is a state of mind, a limiting state of mind, that paralyzes you from taking risks, and perpetuates you in one state. The fear of poverty is evident in your life if your first analysis of an opportunity is usually reasons why it will not work. You are afraid to lose you current state of life, so you hold on to it, and don’t get the next level. The fear of poverty is the beginning of poverty. Those who rise beyond the poverty are those who have asked themselves what the worst is that can happen, and have discovered that it’s not a big deal!

4. The Fear of Failure.

“Never fear shadows… they simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby” – Unknown

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure” – Sven Goran

There are so many souls locked up by this singular demon. They refuse to venture or dare, because the fear they may fail. What is success, however, if not a journey riddled with failure that ends well. Tell me, what type of film will you rather watch, the one in which the star wins from beginning to end, or one in which the battles were tough but the end was victorious? Why waste energy entertaining the possibility of failing that you miss the opportunities for success, for victory and for advancement? Intimidate the fear of failure by facing it, become comfortable with failing, enjoy failing as a process. You never become a failure until your frame of mind accepts it. Failure is a state of mind, it’s the state of mind that consistently believes the wrong things, makes the wrong assumptions and decisions and ultimately regularly ends up with the wrong results. You are not a failure you because you failed, you are a failure because you gave up trying. He is more a failure who refuses to act out of fear than he who tries and fails.

5. The Fear of Uncertainties.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves, – regret of the past and the fear of the future” – Fulton Oursler

“One will never reach distant shores,

if he chooses to remain upon the dock,

In fear his little ship of dreams

may be dashed against the rocks.” – F. Bolen.

Many of us are still doing the jobs we are doing because we are afraid of leaving it. Our motivation for staying is not excitement, passion or interest, it’s because we are afraid of what the choices are. Many of us have dreams we have locked up, desires we cannot express, passions we have buried, all for the fear of un-asked and often unanswered “What if’s?”. The future belongs to those who involve themselves in creating it. To live in fear because of an unknown tomorrow is to let our lives slide past. The fear of uncertainties is the plague of the timid. Ask your questions before you venture, establish the worst and move in spite of it. Don’t be stymied from moving into your dreams because of the uncertainty of what would be, adventurers don’t know where the new horizon is, they are only willing to lose sight of their current shores and then they discover new territories.

6. The Fear of Death

“People living deeply have no fear of death” -Anais Nin

“Think of the better world we could build if men and women, if even for a little while longer, were freed from their greatest fear: the fear of death and the grave” -Robert D. Andrews 

One of the most paralyzing of all fears, is the fear of death. The reason you would be hesitant to walk on the board on the skyscraper is not because it is impossible or because you haven’t done it on the ground. The reason you won’t dare, is because you don’t want to die. Interestingly however, the people who live well are people that have something to die for. It is appointed for man to die once, and a wise man once said that we should not be afraid to die, the earlier we die, the longer our eternity J. There is nothing to fear, save fear itself. Let’s quit stopping ourselves short of our very best because of fear.

“It has been said that our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength”- Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

“We must travel in the direction of our fear” – John Berryman

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49 thoughts on “Beyond the Reach of Fear

  1. I believe failure is intended for everyone to pass through at one time or the other in
    their lifetime to prepare for a task in the future.Think of it as practice before the exam.
    What I am afraid of is not learning from my failure.
    That itself scares me more than the failure which I think nothing of.

  2. nice one deolu!!! i really like this article. before i start, pls where did u get that translation of Matt25:25? is that ur framing or a particular translation? it’s quite interesting.

    people have interpreted fear as false evidence appearing real. let me tell u story. i was in church one day when the pastor was talking about the importance of mentoring and the likes. meanwhile i had been nursing the thought of approaching a highly placed man in the church for the same purpose. i told myself during the service that i’ll see him the following week from the fear of “only God knows” i changed my mind and immediately after the service, i walked up to him and stated my purpose and he invited me for a meeting and since then it’s been good.

    now what am i getting at? i would have allowed procastination to rob me of that immediate urge to do it. how many people today have heard God? nursed various intentions towards different dreams but it faded away with time because of procastination caused by fear?

    i think a good way to defeat fear is to DO IT NOW! report urself to someone so that they can keep u in check. this may not be necessary for some but i know it is for many others. just like deolu said in the parable, do u actually agree with me from that parable that the least expected means of money preservation and multiplication God expects from us is KEEP IT WITH THE BANK? many are so afraid of investments today they prefer to live it with the banks of which we don’t know which is healthy amongst them. not that i advocate zero bank balance all the time, but being afraid to invest is a major wall to be crossed if we must be rich.

    just like kiyosaki said “the first key to becoming a B and I quandrant operator is emotional maturity” wow! i like the point in “fear of rejection” how am i learning to overcome this? well i came to the conclusion, no matter how rich, elegant, handsome, beautiful e.t.c you are, someone must reject you. hey! if they rejected jesus, who are u? so cheer up!!! have a great 2009

  3. These once more are timely words, bringing about many good and not so good memories of opportunities taken and lost in the past. I remember a team building event I was part of somewhere in the woods of midland England, and we did some high rope activities, requiring us to climb up to 75m above-ground on ropes. Each time I remember those days, and I think about the events and how fear ruled most and courage drove others to act, it has always driven me to do those things that fear would have held back in times past.
    Thanks for the piece

  4. Nice one Deolu, it’s inspiring as usual, you have thrown more light and pespectives to conquering fear.

    Please can you tell us which translation of the Bible did you use for the parable of the talent quotation, it’s fantastic…. i’m sure if i can read some other verses with such translation, greater light will be recieved, thanks for always blessing us with timeless article.

  5. Hmmmmmm, you are God sent , I have a good job many people will die for, but i’m not happy excited or fulfilled at this job, i’m not fully utilizing my potetials here, i’m seriously thinking of quitting but i guess i’m afraid, thinking dis might make me seem ungrateful for wat i have or what if i dont get a job as good as this, people close to me think resigning in a time of reccession is dumb,plus i kinda need the money, i’m confused i need your advise/help

  6. FEAR – False Evidences Appearing Real
    FEAR brings torment. There is nothing more incapacitating and paralysing than FEAR.
    FEAR can kill. Some cells in the heart cells are destroyed by the body’s reaction to FEAR. The stress caused by fear can produce lethal changes in the heart muscle and may cause death. FEAR affects the circulation of blood in the body. It also affects the Nervous Sytem.

    May God deliver us from all forms of FEAR.

    @ Tosin
    The Message Translation

  7. Deolu,
    Another great. Blessed we will be if we read and do.
    Fear itself is a torment. No wonder the acronym,
    F -False
    E -Expression
    A – Appearing
    R – Real.
    Well done brother.

  8. I can see you’ve really stepped up- material content, structure and even the cover picture of this post!
    F E A R has been given a mnenonic False Evidences Appearing Real.The opposite of fear is said to be faith.
    That was insightful has ever.
    I have a few questions though; what version of the bible did u quote the text from Matthew from, I just love it?
    And where on earth do you get your cover pictures from? I almost closed site seeing the scary picture…lol?
    Bless you sir!

  9. HEY Deolu…. long time since i have been here reading.. very nice post.. and oh so true.. like what you did with you site… Keep up the food for thought Only as you can do.. wink .. hagd..

  10. Thank you Deolu. Something has changed about you. The way you write. The volume of words. You have really stepped up. Lines upon lines, precepts upon precepts, we will never remain the same!

  11. Deolu, my Prophet , you again just confirmed what i wrote to a group i created on facebook called the next generation of fathers . I send them daily messages and the topic for today was “Take that Risk..leave your comfort zone” and i shared some truth about taking risk as that will determine their next level! Prayer point was for God to remove all fears from us, so we can advance forward in life and help us to have faith to move to our next level ! My do you know tip was …

    “Do you know…Some “so called bad/ ugly guys or brothers” get the best girls as wives or babes because they take the risk of approaching the babes with the mentality that its either a YES or a NO!(nailing..lol)!, and YES, it becomes as they scope the babes…while the good/fine guys or brothers are afraid to ask..even after praying and being told to move! shei!lol! ”
    So seeing this now…just confirms to me that God is speaking…thanks for the exposition..i see things in a different light now…God bless you greatly! I will post it as a link on my various groups on face book! Its a must read!

  12. Just in time! Sir, since the Rhema Chapel Ilorin convention last year (2008), you’ve left in me a deep desire for concrete success in all areas of my life. Meanwhile, for the past 3 months, I’ve struggled with FEAR, especially in my just started business of laundry service. Made up my mind to make your teachings work in my life after you spoke in that meeting, and now I’m I resolute than ever to birth evident proofs.
    Thanks for these priceless words. I owe you my success in many respect.

  13. Reading through this article i discovered that we are a fuction of our thought.We are what we wish to be.If we let fear control our thought,we invariablely opearate in perpetual fear.The question is can we live without Fear? The answer is so simple-Yes,I do believe we can.YES.

  14. I am afraid i am reading this one as gently as i can cos of my lab work
    I just read the side that relates to the proverb of talents. I have always said you should think about opening your own church. Thats one of the most conceived explanation of that verse with the way u went ahead to explain. As soon as i am done with this reduction reaction, i will continue. This is interesting my brother

  15. My boss asked me to ignore a part of our research that is mearnt to be presented tomorrow amongst some notable scholars, i have been wondering why he said so, though i secretly carried out that reaction for many days and filed it as one of the things i hope to present. I just finished reading ther part ‘fear of being wrong’ and hurriedly went to my boss to ask him why he said i should forget about that reaction. He said because that reaction is wrong and i developed an unusual boldness instantly as i asked him the question what if we get a result and it turns out to be something new and interesting despite the fact that we are wrong, are we not going to be developing another model altogether?. His eyes lit up as if in surprise, then he said, show me your data as i would believe you have been doing this reaction. Now he his telling me all the possible questions they would want to ask me and he said if it didnt work out as planned, tell them we were wrong but we wanted to find out why. Funnily, he just joined me in the lab now and the first statement he made was, what would it matter if we are wrong, he has started looking into the possibility of the reaction now.
    Thank you Deolu, i wouldn’t have bothered to spark up his interest if i had not read this part. You are the best. Mind you i have not finished the article.

  16. Deolu, what’s happening to you? There’s something different about your recent posts. You’re metamorphosing!

    You remind me of this Albert Einstein’s quote:
    “There comes a point where the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge, but can never prove how it got there. All great discoveries have involved such a leap.

    Remember this simple prayer you said you read in a book about 13 years ago?
    “Lord I offer myself to you wholly and completely without reservations, please do with me Lord as you please. I offer you my life, my soul, my passion, my purpose, my ambition, all that I am and all that I ever will be, I hold back nothing from you Lord, use my life for your glory and for your pleasure. Have your way with me!”

    I’ve been reciting it every day since you referred to it, and I’m sure you won’t be surprised how it’s been positively guiding my steps, because you know the power of spoken words. Thanks.

  17. @Otome Elisha,

    I l like your feedback, it’s motivating, all the same take am easy with chemical reactions oh, i guess you are really enjoying yourself, keep the flag flying.

  18. @FM, I’m in a similar situation. But what did I do? I just did it. Walked away. I was willing to walk away even if it meant paying them off cos I can’t seem to stay one minute longer condoning the system. I guess it also helped that I never allowed myself to become too comfortable with the perks. I had been saving up for this day. People have told me its a dumb move resigning in recession (with no new offer in hand) but I remember dropping a hint a month ago that I would make a “crazy bad move”. Today is my last day in the job even if it means leaving on an okada lol after dropping their posh car (I always saw myself as only a driver anyway).I can buy the same car when I’m ready. This is not to say that fear didn’t show face o, it did to the extent that I almost called deolu to ask him to pray for me. Then I read my article in Jemima…worry, fear, high BP and stroke are family members. GBAM!

    @Deolu, thank u, pls keep the articles gbona feli feli. Leave us readers no choice but to be uncomfortable, let’s come close to almost regretting reading ur article cos of the way it will propel us to act

  19. False Expression Appearing Real; FEAR.
    it is an opposite of FAITH. it holds us bound from achieving. it keeps us from exploring the waters of life, from stepping into the unknown. its just a feeling of inadequacy that we urgently need to get rid of.
    thanks deolu, more grease to your elbow.
    meanwhile, i hope you’ve not forgot my book, how far with it?

  20. Chairman, thanks a lot o.Coming to work this morning , had to read this piece as usual.But i must confess it re enforced a lot of things.FEAR.More work to be done until one can flesh it out, choosing hope over fear.
    In a little way, what has helped me in some times, yes ill say sometimes cause i dont always overcome fearful THOUGHT(can u imagine thoughts not REALITY) is to think of the worst, if its ventrue, it will fail so after failing what else can the fearful thought offer-NOTHING,ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.That puts the fearful thought to silence in my mind.
    Another thing that has been of help to me is never to confess a fearful line of thought.When you say it, you make the power of reality available.Fearful thoughts are like invitations to a party, it comes to all men, but I still decide whether to attend the party or not.DO NOT ATTEND THE PART WHERE FEAR IS THE CHIEF HOST.

  21. this has really opened my eyes, i have been faced wit the fear of the unknown, to move on to sumtin new, to make choices and all that holds me down is FEAR. reading this has helped me firm my decision. i’ve always wanted to follow my dreams i’ve had since childhood but to most people its just a waste of time and energy, that yrs would pass me by and i won’t be an achiever. i have worked out my plan and i believe it would work. am going to move in the direction of my fears instead of running from them. i mark it this day that i can only succeed.
    thanks deolu

  22. Deolu, i am liberated.This morning, i woke up wondering if i should do it. For awhile now, I’ve been wanting to take some drastic steps but i keep wondering ‘what if’? Particularly about my job, i seem stuck in a rut yet i have ideas of stuff i would love to do and i know i would be fulfilled.
    I’ll take that bold step and launch into the unknown.
    Once more, thanks, Deolu.
    @Otome
    That was a nice one.

  23. my mentor i want thanks for these wonderful inspiration,for revealing the greatest enemy of man which is working against many individuals around us today.delsu,abraka

  24. Deolu, this is explosive! For me, it came at a point when I just made the most difficult decision of my young adult life- quiting my job. I have been in the job for 15 months and it is the dullest period of my life. I came to terms with the fear of the unknown and faced it. Now I feel free to do what my heart wants to do. I feel free to try and even fail on the path I love. I discover what I know is stronger than the unknown; I know God, and I know There is no Glory without a Story. My story has just begun and you have added more fuel to the Vehicle of Courage in me by this write-up. God bless you. Tunji (one of those that commented said this was once your prayer; ‘Lord I offer myself to you wholly and completely without reservations, please do with me Lord as you please. I offer you my life, my soul, my passion, my purpose, my ambition, all that I am and all that I ever will be, I hold back nothing from you Lord, use my life for your glory and for your pleasure. Have your way with me!”. Permit me to make it mine. Thank you.

  25. Deolu, honestly i’m blessed and inspired as regard the article on the freedom from fear and failure. More often than not, he who fails to speak out in the midst of fear and obscurity may never get anywhere in life. Speaking out when not to be silent pave way for confidence and strength to carry on with life.

  26. All i can say is THis is IT! Been quite busy at work cldn’t read this b4 now but however i find it a sweet gratification reading this now. it is right on time for my life at the moment… Thanks Deolu

  27. @ All,

    Great thoughts, additions and resolves. I’m happy people are taking action and making these thoughts memorable.

    @FM

    Can you send me a personal mail with more clarity? So I can offer some thoughts. There are times when it’s advisable to remove the legs from the trouser one at a time, and there are times, when aiming and aiming, would not serve better than shooting and aiming later.

  28. iwill never allow fear to cripple my plans this year to achieve. i think most of us should make that personal commitment. I also think one formular to defeat fear is to position urself for effective mentoring. it will help.

  29. I was off for two days and i know that i have definitely missed..

    Here, i am again reading this filled with inspiration…

    Thanks..i know that i am walking out of this fears already. Your post came as a additional backbone in my journey out of fear.

    Indeed, fear is a false expression appearing real. Though it has potency to cripple but we must know that all fears are surmountable.

    Thanks

  30. @ Biola and Victor,

    Thanks guys, you’ve encouraged me to know I’m not alone and some people have taken this BOLD step before me and if He can do it for one He can do it for all. You’ve inspired me so much I’ll let you know when I’m out. Thanks

    @ Deolu

    I’ll send you a mail with full details.

  31. Thank u for the lovely piece,a common adage says,a coward die several times before his appionted time .Fear is a killer,It has killed several visions, dreams.i encourage our team to take a bold step dat lead us in fulfilling wat we re in this world 2 achieve.

  32. Hey..for all those that are afraid to leave a job that makes them hate waking up everyday…know this..that sick feeling you get everymorning on your way to work can truly make you sick!!, to make it easier on yourself…ask for a leave of absence without pay for six months or one year and see how it goes…i bet you, you will never settle for less again! i did that 2007 december, wanted to resign but got convinced not to by one of my boss…i left when the ovation was loudest, gave up my brand new official car,laptop etc..but i am better off today and in 2008, i earned more money in a couple of months working for myself and partnering with a friend than i earned in one year working for my former office!!…i enjoyed working and would have stayed on without being paid as i loved the job..but i got sick of the office politics and some of the high risk stress associated with the job..and i walked away and i am loving my life each day!

  33. Guess its a big fish today, a topic not to be taken with levity or displaced at one side. meant for the developing minds as a source to shine aheard a brighter light and for the developed ones to foresee whats about to come. THE QUESTION IS WHY DO PEOPLE FEAR? OR WHY DO I FEAR? U know life is full of ups and down, and bearing in mind that u can never have it all smooth, still my heart beats goes skipping. Fear is simply false existence, a psychological attribute, which if utilize could make u tread on the road of caution, but rather an epitome of destruction. Never fear to fail, Never fear to make mistakes, cause great men today have made mistakes including thomas eddison, charles darwin just to mention a few. The next question is then how do i avoid it?? like deolu said, its a normal phenomenon, its comes but u av make up ur mind that no matter what, i will succeed, and fear is totally out of it. Even for job seekers, research as shown that 80% of those who pass there interviews are 60% of confidence with total elimination of fear and with spirit of optimism. so why not put on a armor of confidence and put aside all fear, walk tall and believe in yourself.
    proudly Nigerian

  34. What an insightful article. I must say a BIG thanks because you’ve just dealt with what I’ve been suffering from in a long time. My only hope now is that I will have the grace to shed FEAR off myself and move on with my God given life. Fear of uncertainties and if being wrong are particularly what I’ve been battling with and also doing a lot of prayers to outwit them. But I trust God will help me overcome them.

    The article has really touched me and I’m sure it will some other other people like me. Keep up the good work.

  35. FEAR !FEAR! FEAR!this is one stronghold that really handicapped me while i was still at the university. even when i read very well in preparation for an exam, i will still be afraid that maybe i may forget all i read because of what happedened to me onece when i was in my first year in an exam. but thank God i am free today. it was easy because i lost confidence in myself.i pray for all those stilkl suffering from it that God will help them.this you sir for an inspiring peice.God bless naija

  36. It’s better we die now so that our eternity can be longer-That’s the word. I’ll take it along into my future.

  37. fear in a man makes him a walking corpse. fear kills a man gradually. God has given us the spirit of boldness and sound mind so get up and “Eat that Frog”

  38. “It has been said that our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength”- Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

    Really to be very candid, we all have the capacity to fear. but we should rather not allow fear overtake our faith. Someone said “FEAR is false evidence appearing real.”

    Even God knows our capacity to be afraid, so He said in the Bible “Fear Not!” 360 times. It came as a command, advise, admonition, strength, encouragement. Fear make victim out of great warrior.

    Adding to all that is listed above many people also are afraid of success, they don’t know what will happen if they succeed. Managing popularity.

    We need to make conscious effort against fear. We need to develop the inner strength and be courageous amidst problems.

  39. i am learning gradually how to master my fears, ask me how and i;ll tell you….
    i travel in the direction of my fears

  40. For abs, it will be good if you train them by alternating between upper and lower abs every day. Also, I have included compound movements for the biceps which will work the fore-arms too. So don?t worry about any parts in my workout?

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