There are a lot of serious things on my mind as the year is getting wrapped up and closing up to give way to the next. I’m thinking finalizing my reviews of this previous year, I’m thinking of firming my goals for the next. All these are serious things. In reviewing I need to analyze where I succeeded and where I didn’t, where I need to focus better on in the coming year, and what I really need help with. In finishing up my goals I need to seriously get alignment from control towers, from God, the source of my life and the author of my purpose. All these are serious things. As I write I’m on the Island in a hotel close to VGC where I’m meeting with some future thinking Nigerians who are bent on making Nigeria the most desireable country to live in.
Those are all serious things, but before we get to serious, I think it’s good we unwind a bit, and laugh heartily. Are there reasons to be happy and laugh? Yes there are plenty of reasons. One is that you are alive and well, and made it through to witness the last Saturday, Sunday and even monday of the current year. Most of us know people who didn’t make it past this year, we are not better than them, we are only still alive because there are still expectations that God has not given up on us that we can still achieve. I stumbled on some interesting true life resume occurences that I felt might be a good way to get you laughing into the end of this year. Sit tight and have a happy reading.
The few excerpts you are about to read are actual contents of some people’s resume’s (CVs). Some of them might blow your mind for daftness, but don’t be so hard on them, you might be able to learn what not to write. I’ll add a few coments to give it some punch.. where necessary.
“I am very detail-oreinted.” ”Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.” ”Special skills: Thyping.” ”Special Skills: Speak English.”
Yeah right! Whenever you want to make claims like this, please do a proper spell check. Be careful of making boasts of things that can be evaluated immediately.
“Graduated in the top 66% of my class.”
Yeah, if you had a third class, you might still be able to achieve that. Isn’t the top supposed to be smaller?
“References: Leanne Kaye-Deceased Nov. 14, 1997.”
Eleri me wa lorun – My witness is in heaven! Somebody actually wrote that, what was he/she thinking?? Maybe she can put the phone number of a medium there to, so at least they can reach the dead.
“Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.”
That’s like – HELP!!!
“You will always find me to be an extremely trying person”
Hmmm…
“Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”
Do you think this information will make you valueable?
“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
I’m warning you now oh!
“Please disregard the attached resume — it is terribly out of date.”
lol. Yeah… We’ll hire you based on this letter alone.
“I am sicking and entry-level position.”
This must be an Indian
“My compensation should be at least equal to my age.”
Wow… so if you are 50, how do you want the N50? Per week?
“I am superior to anyone else you could hire.”
Ha!
“You are privileged to receive my resume.”
Yeah… we’ll glaze it and laminate it and boast to other employees about it. You must be Mandela.
“If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.”
In other words -I don’t intend to waste my CV on you. If you don’t like it, at least let me be able to use it again 
“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
That’s a special kinda job.
“I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live.”
Hmmm… sounds like someone who has been searching for at least 10yrs. I smell desperacy!
“I can play well with others.”
Is it play we are playing here? How about work, can you do that too?икони
how hilarious.
There’s definitely a lot to learn from this.
Thanks for sharing and thanks for being caring enough not to put names of these “interesting” job seekers.
Please Oga don’t kill me with this humour.
Great way to laugh out like I never did in a lonnnnnng while.
I have seen few works of some of these “competent guys”.
Good one….I hope some of these guys reading will learn the lesson.
Chairman,
Its alright not to know something….but its a disaster not to be able to identify what you dont know. If you are not sure please dont hesitate in verifying from thos who know. thats the major lesson i have learnt. Thanks for increasing our level of awareness.
I think a post-higher-instutition institute of learning should be set up in Nigeria, to help in shaping up some people’s grammatical presentation… After all, we are here to help one another
…believe me i laughed thruout reading this…it’s a good way to start once day o!
Some people like 2 ‘merrygo-round’ points they can make in few concise points…
just to impress…!
It is not their fault ojare, text messaging is affecting their spellings, abi na wetin u want make i talk, maybe we should consider writing resume in pigin or mother tongue, lol.
Good stuff Deolu.
http://www.undergraduatesinbusiness.com
Hugh! hugh!! What beats me is that some of these people are sincerely serious and some even tend to argue with you during interview when you bring up some these ….em em ‘explosions’!
I recall a young lady I interviewed a few weeks ago who claimed that she is a “very assertive young woman…” and I asked what that meant because really I was trying to get her perspective as it will relate to the work she was being considered for and wham! she hit me…
“I am friendly and I like to let people do their own thing….”
Of course, the look on my face suggested my shock! and she quickly volunteered that the CV was her uncle’s idea.
Looking forward to a fulfilling 2009 everybody! See you on the other side…
Intersting…………..very funny
Thanks!!!
Some may laugh today, but that is the reality of our time. More importantly, this is a subtle advice for those who are not detailed enough.some really know what to write but because they are not thorough, they may end up posting what they need to cross -check .
Good and timely advice
hahahahaha! Thanks my brother.
“These is ilarous! it is too funi oga mi.”
We have to be careful and do a proper spell check. I think though that the spell check tool on most word processors can be our biggest enemies.
They give us a ‘false’ sense, that as long there are no underlined ‘tabbons’ (gaffes), we are in the clear; it is not often the case.
Good job on piece, it certainly made me laugh.
This is really funny.
Once a while, we need stuff like this crack our ribs.
Thank you.
Just can’t stop laughing.
Na WA O!
This might actually look funny, but it’s crucial. Most of us are careless with our writings and speeches, and they go where we can’t reach telling people what we have to offer.
This is too much.I have equally learnt something too.
Good one sir.
It is well,there is fire on the mountain.
bros dee!this is really hilarious!
Is this a joke or what? This is very funny.
Oga Dee, maybe you should post on this blog an article on how to compose a winning resume/CV.
Eku ise Oluwa !
Were these resumes being sent to a stand-up comedy outfit? They are out of this world. So funny!
blunders of CVs. lol
sir this is very hilarious o. i laughed throughout. God help us o. the part i loved the most was when somebody said that his witness is in heaven. atleast he should have left a forwarding number for the interviewer to call heaven(laughs)